長大了嗎?

又快要到生日了，
來年將會是重要的一年，
因為再過多一年，
十位的數字便要轉成另一個數字了。

轉眼十年。

想起了朋友送給我的這首詩。

Here

I am a man now.
Pass your hand over my brow,
You can feel the place where the brains grow.

I am like a tree,
From my top boughs I can see
The footprints that led up to me.

There is blood in my veins
That has run clear of the stain
Contracted in so many loins.

Why, then, are my hands red
With the blood of so many dead?
Is this where I was misled?

Why are my hands this way
That they will not do as I say?
Does no God hear when I pray?

I have no hwere to go.
The swift satellites show
The clock of my whole being is slow.

It is too late to depart
For destinations not of my heart.
I must stay here with my hurt.

R.S. Thomas

這大概道出了成長的代價與痛苦吧。
成長了，
了解自己多一點。
但同時亦學會了妥協。

有時為愛人而妥協，
有時為了生活而妥協，
但絕不能超出自己的底線。
這是我仍然堅持而不能妥協的東西。

昨天看看新換領的智能身份証，
赫然發現樣子比18歲的那張臉孔還要年輕，
但心境已跑到老遠的地方去。

人生大概充滿了荒謬和吊詭。